C+
The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie
Rated G; Directed by Mike Nawrocki; Starring the voice talents of Phil Vischer, Mike Nawrocki, Cam Clarke, Laura Gerow, Yuri Lowenthal
Children’s films can give you some of the dumbest moments in movies. They can also give you some of the wackiest and funniest moments. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie offers a good chunk of the first and a bit of the second. Yet the movie isn’t bad – it’s just bland.
The plot involves walking, talking veggies (and possibly some fruits – as someone who doesn’t get enough of either in her diet I had trouble identifying what they all were supposed to be). These veggies find themselves involved with pirates, time travel, giant rock monsters, and dinner theater.
In the 17th century pirate Robert the Terrible takes prince Alexander hostage, but princess Eloise escapes. Calling on a magic metal ball to find heroes to save her and her brother, the ball ends up in modern-day veggie land. George, Elliot, and Sedgewick, three meek and frightened characters, find themselves as the heroes sent back to help Eloise. I could complain about the improbabilities of the plot except how can you argue for logic when everyone is a piece of produce?
There are a few moments that entertain. Rock monsters, singing pirates, and cheese curls with vengeance on their mind brought smiles and some laughter. Yet the movie seems long and rather sleep-inducing. Watching how George, Elliot, and Sedgewick finally live up to the label of heroes doesn’t offer many surprises.
The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie is a harmless movie to take your kids to, but don’t expect to find yourself — or your children — wrapped up into the adventures of the fruits and veggies.
